I kneel to her every day. Each day I kneel I spend at least a couple of moments thinking about the act of kneeling and what it means to me.
Why am I kneeling to this person? What am I giving to her and myself through the act of kneeling? What does my kneeling mean to me and to her?
I can’t know for sure what my kneeling means to her, other than if she chooses to say something about it to me. I can say what it means to me AND I can also say I spend each day thinking about what it means because I never want to kneel from unconscious habit. When it becomes an unconscious habit, I feel like it takes something essential from the act, whereas when the kneeling is considered, there is a level of surrender embodied through that act of surrender.
Whether you’re currently in a female or woman led relationship, or you want to be in one, I want you to think for a moment about your own choices when it comes to deferring to her leadership and showing respect to your role and hers in the relationship.
The Guide for Men who want to be in a Female Led Relationship
You want to submit to her.
You want to surrender control and be led by her.
But she pulls back and gets cold and withdrawn.
Find out why and what to do in The Sovereign Submission Relationship Guide
You've made a choice to submit to her.
You've made a choice to honor and acknowledge her leadership and that choice has meaning and significance right up until it doesn't. It stops having meaning and significance when it starts to be a choice that you've taken for granted.
Reflect for a moment on this idea. When was the last time that you really sat consciously with your choice around kneeling or some other activity that you do that shows your place and shows her that you respect and honor her role in your life as the leader of the relationship?
This isn’t an idle question to ask. It is something to really sit with, because if there’s one thing I’ve observed about myself and people in general, it’s this: It’s very easy to slide into unexamined and unconscious habit. It comes at a cost, though. What is unconscious takes on a life of its own, and it can be the breeding ground of resentment.
Take out your journal. We’re going to do an exercise.
Write out all the activities that you do to show your devotion to her leadership. These activities can take many forms. It could be kneeling, household chores or something else altogether. Whatever the activities are, I want you to write them out and then reflect on them.
What awareness are you bringing to these activities?
What is meaningful about these activities as they apply to your relationship?
Do any of these activities feel more like unconscious habits that you’ve taken on?
Answer these questions honestly. And then spend the next week answering these questions again as you go about your day. At the end of the week, review your answers.
What patterns do you notice?
What changes, if anything, occurred with those patterns as you journaled for a week?
This exercise isn’t a one day event. The reason I want you to document your activities is because even for one week something will change and that change will reveal a lot to you about how you do or don’t show up in the relationship.
The Role of Intention in your Dynamic
In my magical practice, intention is a cornerstone of every spell and working that I do. Without intention a spell is just some rehearsed actions and words that fall flat into the world. The intention is the conscious spark that drives the spell and brings purpose to the words and actions.
Intention also matters in your relationship. Whether you are in a vanilla or kinky Woman Led Relationship, the intention both (or more) partners bring to the relationship shapes and sculpts what the relationship is and what it means to each of you. She provides the leadership, but you provide something just as essential: Your willingness to receive her leadership and turn it into actions on your end that support the direction the relationship is going.
The truth of any power exchange dynamic is this: It takes each person’s conscious involvement and purposeful awareness to make the power exchange dynamic a reality. The moment a person pulls back or balks is the moment the dynamic is stopped. When this happens it’s not often apparent on the surface. Where you can find the resistance is in the unconscious habits you take on because in the performance of the habit is everything that has been left unsaid and unexamined.
In one relationship I was in, I came to awareness around my unconscious habits one day when I took the time to observe everything I did in relationship to the other person. What was eye opening for me was the behaviors that I labeled as manipulative or mean on my part. On the surface level, I wouldn’t have labeled it that way. On the deeper level, when I really examined my motivations and pulled the shadow into the light, I found myself squirming with discomfort as I saw how petty I could be and how it hurt myself and the people I was with.
What you bring to a relationship matters. In the early stages, in the dopamine rush of new relationship energy, it’s easy for people to overlook the red flags, but as you get to know someone, your red flags and that person’s red flags will become more visible to each other.
At the heart of ANY relationship, regardless of what dynamics are involved, is a question: “Can we be okay together, through a rough time?” The conscious awareness you bring to your choices will tell you the answer to the question from your side of the relationship. If you are in a woman led relationship it will also speak to your willingness to fully be led by her in the relationship.